Saturday, July 30, 2011

first day of school

OK~Ray says I need to embrace technology so watch out 'cause I'm diggin' all the cool stuff you can do~ very simply (crucial)~with nothing more than a laptop and some imagination.  I've been up all night (it's 6:30 am) because I've discovered that I'm much better off staying awake most of the time and just taking naps instead of going to bed at night not knowing when I'll wake back up again  Seriously, this has been a bit of an issue lately.  I went to sleep Monday night around 11:45 and I didn't wake up until Patrick got home from work at 11 o'clock on Tuesday.  I don't know about you but I found this to be a bit scary.  I mean I didn't even wake up a little bit to turn over or anything-I just slept.  Anyway I've been goin' through some stuff lately and I am finding out that, by sharing my feelings with others, I learn that I'm not so alone in this crazy place we call reality.  I never knew how many people shared this thought that  "I really just think things would be better if I just killed myself~I'm really tired and I just don't see why I should have to stay here anymore for no other reason than not to hurt my family and friends. They can handle things without me. I'm really not doing anything important and I think it's time for me to go."  I have that thought a lot.  It's not a depressed thought, or even a sad one.  It's more of a matter~of~fact kind of realization.  Then God shows up.  Donna leaves me an incredible voicemail that brings me to happy tears.  Mike posts a cocoon turning into a butterfly on facebook.  Patrick bakes my homegroup brownies for me because he knows I might be rushed.  My dad wants to bake a blackberry pie with me. Millie calls(that says it all:) Ray makes awesome flyers for my cookout and puts the United States and their capitals song on my mp3.  My mom shows me yet again that she is the best mom in the world just by being who she is...and then I start to consider sticking around for a little while longer.  Don't get me wrong~I am in no way complaining about anything in my life~I've basically got it made.  Well~almost~I really need steady employment, but aside from that I'm probably one of the most fortunate people I know.  That's the point I want to get across, and that's what I want to hear from you about~It's OK to feel crappy when things are going well. We are allowed to be sad about things that are, well, sad.  The news is not pretty. The world is full of monsters. There will always be something horrible happening to someone, somewhere that can't be avoided because there are just too damned many of us, and we will never understand why because simple explanations don't exist. The trick is to find a way to pull happiness out of any nook and cranny you can find and run with it as fast as you can. Hang around a toddler or two and try to keep a straight face.. Scratch your dog's back.  Eat ice cream for dinner. Find a way to squeeze some joy out of every single thing you do, hard as it may be, so at the end of the day you can look around and notice how cool it is that you got to be a little down without being completely out.  Let me know what kind of stuff you discover so I can broaden my horizons a bit.  Life is one hell of a thing to do to a person. Sharing  how you handle it can really be helpful to all parties involved. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.  ~Anne Frank
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It's not.  ~Dr. Seuss


  1. Hi! You need to keep this up! I think writing could be ur calling! :) Cindy

  2. Hi Carrie, welcome to the blogosphere!!! You write very well! Blogging to me is just like a journal but you can share it with many people on line!!! I always ask your Mom how your doing and am so very happy to hear your staying focused and taking it one day at a time!!! Life is very fragil and it truly is a gift from God...its up to us how we want to live it! I guess you already know that I am married to a recovering Alcoholic...he just celebrated 26 years of sobriety this past June 15th. He will be the first to tell you he didnt acomplish this by himself. With the help of AA and relying on his higher power..which in his case is God..he is thankful to be enjoying a wonderful happy life! I also have a blog, I have made many friends through this fun way to express myself! At first it was to keep family n friends up to date on what is going on in our lives here in Hanover Pa. but lately it has changed into posting photos I have taken of people places n things! Hope you will go check me out and follow me. I will put you on my blog roll n come to visit u here too! Keep doing what your doing can only get better. BTW... you do have wonderful parents!!! :0)